Patty Murray’s got a Patty Problem

Sunday night’s Senatorial debate showed Washington that she’s no longer the mom in tennis shoes - there really is a new mom in town

Look, I’ll be the first to admit it: I was a little too jacked up over yesterday’s debate between democrat Senator Murray and her republican challenger Tiffany Smiley. I’d been looking forward to this debate for a good while, and like a kid in December counting down the number of sleeps until Christmas morning, so was I with this debate. In truth, it was only a few moments before the broadcast that I realized I’d cast aside one of my golden rules when it comes to politics: anytime you think something matters more than any number of things or people you hold most dear, you need to take a step back, follow it up with a deep breath and rub the dumbfuckery out of your eyes because you’ve thus invariably arrived at a place where perspective isn’t just lacking, it’s totally absent. But I was, nevertheless, able to at least somewhat reorient my sense of objectivity just before tip-off. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that as a non-MAGA, Never-Trumper, however still unapologetically conservative republican, I was about to watch this debate with my own biases and prejudices. After all, I made up my mind months ago about which candidate I was going to be casting my vote for this fall - if that’s not a textbook example of prejudice, well, then you need to go to the library and checkout some textbooks. For me, as a Washington voter, it was only possibly that in this debate Tiffany Smiley could have lost my vote; I struggle to imagine a universe in which our senior Senator could have done something - anything to earn my vote. See what I mean?

So anyways, the debate begins without the unnecessarily long litany of guidelines, stipulations and previously agreed upon rules by both campaigns. How refreshing. Senator Murray had won the coin toss for first opening statement, and as soon as I heard that, I thought to myself “Alright, here’s where thirty years of major league D.C. experience is going to work to Murray’s favor.” After all, what is Patty Murray if not a very, ahem, seasoned politician? The answer, as it became clear throughout her opening ninety second remarks, was genuinely startling. It was as if thirty years of being in the Senate had either taught her nothing - or taught her quite a lot, only her advancing age and retreating vigor had robbed her of so much of it all. Patty Murray is human after all. Gone in ninety seconds were any illusions of political grandeur, any thoughts that there on that stage sat a liberal lioness who would scare off any would be threats to leftist tenants of faith with a mere growl and show of fangs - and shred to pieces any who lacked the good sense to run away from the fight they were so determined to pick with Patty. I mean, there was just nothing there but a woman who looked and spoke like someone who had stayed a touch past their “best if used by” date. The “mom in tennis shoes” that I can still so vividly recall from the early ‘90’s now appeared more like a poor Cruella DeVille knockoff who felt like it was beneath her to even be there in the first place, debating a woman who had the audacity to say that she was sharper, hungrier, and perhaps could do the job better. You could almost see the disdain in her face, tone, body language and even words: Doth these impish fools not know that I have such better things to be doing right now with my time? I have a nine o’clock tomorrow morning dressing down Mitch McConnell in the well of the Senate followed by, wait, who are you to be told what my schedule looks like? I say, piss off, and eat cake.

Befitting our current politics to a T, smash cut to option B, one Tiffany Smiley from Pasco, WA. It was clear within moments that Smiley was - and wanted to be everything that Murray was not. Unfortunately for Smiley, the opposite of “seasoned & relaxed” is just about as un-photogenic as you’d expect. And I’m sure this is at least partly my bias coming into play here, but I was willing to give her a pass for that. After all - Tiffany Smiley is my age - she’s a child of the 80’s and 90’s just like me. When I was a kid, watching 90210 on Wednesday (and then Thursday) nights, I think it’s kinda cool to think that a ways over the mountains across to the other side of the state in Pasco, Tiffany was probably parked in front of her family’s also incredibly non-HDTV watching the same Dylan McKay bad boy-ness that I was. I dunno, I just think that’s pretty cool.

I know what you’re probably thinking: Tiffany Smiley was watching Beverly Hills 90210 like and when you were as a child, so let’s just elect her to be one of our state’s only two Senators? Of course that’s not what I’m saying here, and please don’t bring that weak sauce into the paint again or else I’m just gonna Dikembe that isht into the front row again. What I like, what I think is endlessly cool, impressive, admirable - use any adjective you like - what’s remarkable af to me is something that I really think has been lost throughout this campaign: Tiffany Smiley is the same as I am. To me, a white boy from Ballard in Seattle, WA who grew up certainly not rich, but also never wondering where or whether my next meal would come - to think that someone who, had we grown up in the same town, could have been a classmate of mine is taking on a thirty year career politician to become the next Senator from the state of Washington - if that’s not inspiring, then maybe you ought to check your soul’s pulse, cuz you dead inside man.

Tiffany Smiley’s candidacy could have - and in this state, maybe even should have died in its infancy. You’d almost more expect a challenge to “Patty’s seat” (which it, of course, emphatically is not - it’s the people’s seat, cheesy as it may sound, true it still is so bite me) to have come from the Left of Patty’s flank; the fact that one never did speaks to two truths, I believe: one, that no one could surprise or even approach Patty Murray from the Left because she’s already all the way over to that side. Two, Washington might, at long last, finally be waking up to or coming around to the notion that one party dominance is the same as one party rule - and one party rule is never a good & healthy thing in democracies. Now, consider that last sentence, and before you fly off the handle with the usual “yeah but what about” driveling hysterics, know - and believe me when I say that I would say that regardless of which party is currently dominating the political landscape, whether regionally or nationally. Newt & Co. were great with Bill Clinton - and Clinton with Newt & Co. The George W. Bush era was in many ways and at many points made better when Pelosi & Pals were there as a check on Dubya. Obama might have been at his best when the GOP was able to offer a modicum of balance to his administration and rather good presidency. You see, the same type of dynamics play locally just like they do federally. I don’t know whether that’s a Ying/Yang ☯️ thing or whatever the what, but I truly believe it is a thing, just one of those things that is what it is.

Washington state last elected a Republican Senator in 1994. We last elected a Republican Governor in 2004, but instead the job was given to Christine Gregoire after the number of recounts that it took in order for her to come out on top; once that magic number hit, the recounts were done. But we last elected a Republican governor who was actually allowed to serve as governor in 1980 (rode the wave of the Reagan Revolution, did ya, John Spellman?) Our state is representatively more outta whack than Kanye’s, well, just Kanye. The point is, Washington wouldn’t be lesser than or worse off because of the GOP having a seat at one or two of all the many tables - Washington would be better because of it. And these nonsensical, cockamamie predictable predictions about how “evil” and “facist” and even “MAGA” each and every Republican candidate must be, will be or already, inherently is is absolute bullshit - and anyone with even a modicum of affection for truth and decency knows that - they also shouldn’t be afraid to say so, for fear of not being “liked” by their friends who simply choose to vote differently than they do.

Washingtonians are filling out and mailing in their ballots now, it’s already happening. The die is cast. We are either going to send Patty Murray back to Washington D.C. for a sixth six year term, until the age of 78 or we are going to elect the next generation of Washington’s leaders, however green they may be, however strong, centered and principled their character. Tiffany Smiley isn’t the perfect political candidate because that’s the oxymoron of oxymorons. She is a flawed human being with a very bright mind and a heart for our state that I would entrust just about anything to. Call me naive if you like, but I’m just of the belief that’s about all anyone can ever ask for or expect from anyone in politics. There’s a new mom in town, and she’s got my vote.

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